The Daily Disaster
Newyddion / All The News That's Unfit to Print
BREAKING: School Actually Functions For Entire Day Without Incident
In what experts are calling 'statistically improbable', Hawarden High School completed an entire school day without a single fire alarm, WiFi outage, or mysterious canteen incident. Staff are 'cautiously optimistic' while students remain 'deeply suspicious'. The streak ended at 3:47pm when someone microwaved fish in the staff room.
Latest Headlines
Lost Property Now Requires Planning Permission to Navigate
The council has classified the lost property room as a 'structure of significant mass' after it was discovered to have its own weather system.
WiFi Password Leaked, Changed Within 0.3 Seconds
A brief window of connectivity was enjoyed by exactly 4 students before IT detected the breach. 'Our response time has never been faster,' said IT, 'if only we applied the same urgency to actually fixing things.'
Year 7s Discover Shortcut, Immediately Regret It
A group of Year 7s attempted to use 'the forbidden corridor' to get to Maths faster. They emerged three periods later, visibly shaken, and refuse to discuss what they saw.
Supply Teacher Sets New Record: 47 Names Mispronounced
Mr. Temporary (not his real name) achieved what many thought impossible, mispronouncing every single name in Year 9 including 'Ben'. 'I've never seen anything like it,' said witnesses.
Canteen Announces 'Transparent Pricing' - Still No Ingredient Lists
In a bold move towards transparency, the canteen has made all prices clearly visible. Questions about what's actually in the food remain classified.
School Play Auditions: 47 Students Want to Be Tree #3
Competition for background roles reaches fever pitch as students realise non-speaking parts mean less rehearsal time.
Current status: Schrödinger's WiFi
(simultaneously working and not working)
We've lost count. Literally.
Some dating back to 2019
Where are the pairs??
All with no name labels
Containing 'important coursework'
One per student
If unclaimed by 2030, items become school property
(and part of the archaeological record)