Student Survival Guide

Myfyrwyr / Everything You Need to Barely Get By

ESSENTIAL TOOL

Homework Excuse Generator™

For when "the dog ate it" just won't cut it anymore. Generate believable* excuses at the click of a button.
*Believability not guaranteed

Click the button to generate your excuse...

Disclaimer: We are not responsible for detentions received from using these excuses.

SURVIVAL GUIDE

Canteen Survival Manual

A comprehensive risk assessment of the dining experience. Know before you go. Prepare before you eat.

Mystery Meat Pie

EXTREME

Contents unknown. Texture unknowable. Consume at own risk.

Survival: 12%£2.50

Lukewarm Pasta

MODERATE

It was hot once. Maybe yesterday. The sauce is... present.

Survival: 67%£2.80

The Sandwich

LOW

Bread. Butter. Sadness. The safe choice.

Survival: 94%£1.80

Suspicious Salad

MODERATE

The lettuce is wilting. The tomato is questioning its existence.

Survival: 71%£2.20

Chips

MINIMAL

Somehow always acceptable. The universal constant.

Survival: 98%£1.50

Energy Drink

CARDIAC

Technically not allowed. Somehow always available.

Survival: ???£1.80

The Cookie

LOW

Rock hard. Could be used as a weapon. Tastes fine though.

Survival: 89%£0.80

Budget Pizza

HIGH

Is it pizza? Is it cardboard? Scientists are still debating.

Survival: 45%£2.00

Pro tip: Chips are always the answer. When in doubt, chips.

SPEEDRUN STRATS

Toilet Pass Any% Speedrun

Optimised strategies for maximum bathroom time with minimum suspicion. Current world record: 23 minutes (unverified).

The Classic

Easy

Simply ask to go. Success rate plummets after 3rd attempt.

Est. Time:2-5 min

The Emergency

Medium

Look physically distressed. Clutch stomach. Oscar-worthy performance required.

Est. Time:5-10 min

The Water Bottle

Easy

Drink entire bottle in first 5 minutes. Biology does the rest.

Est. Time:10-15 min

The Buddy System

Medium

Friend goes first. You go 10 mins later. Coordination essential.

Est. Time:8-12 min

The Equipment Run

Hard

'I need to get my [item] from my locker.' Locker near toilets. Coincidence.

Est. Time:5-7 min

The Nurse Detour

Hard

Headache → Nurse → Toilet. The scenic route.

Est. Time:15-20 min

Disclaimer: These strategies are for entertainment purposes only. Actually just go to the toilet during break like a normal person. Unless you're speedrunning. Then godspeed.